


Apotheosis

by gankutsuou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Feral, PTSD, Second War with Voldemort, Torture, Trauma, Werewolf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 04:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8386783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gankutsuou/pseuds/gankutsuou
Summary: When Remus is tortured into a feral madness by Greyback, Tonks is left to pick up the pieces.





	1. Silence

_“Give yourself over to the wolf. let it eat the parts of you that are sick, that are damaged beyond salvage. let the wolf in and let it clean house, and let it leave again. the wolf knows which parts must be swallowed. you do not need what it takes, and where it bites you the wounds will heal. let the wolf in and let it eat you, and let it leave again.”_

 

Tonks hated silence.  
In war, silence meant death. Grimmauld Place had become a monument to death. A towering effigy to the wasted life of a friend, cousin, and colleague that was lost to the silence of death.   
She had left some papers in her now-unoccupied bedroom which she needed for her work at the Ministry. She trotted through the empty house as brisk as an autumn wind. She did not want to stay in the house any longer than necessary.   
The air was thick with the icy, stagnant weight of death. And Tonks nearly choked on it.  
On her way downstairs, she noticed something. There was a faint light coming from the dining hall that suggested someone else was in the house with her. The light was dim enough to suggest that the individual who created it wanted to slip through the house unnoticed, not unlike herself.   
As discreetly as she could, the young witch peered around the corner, wand at the ready in case the intruder were a Death Eater instead of an Order member. She found someone she half-expected to be far away from this wretched place…deep underground with a pack of werewolves.   
The man was seated at the head of the table looking down at his lap. He did not hear her enter the room, nor gave any sign that he was aware of her presence in the house at all. His left arm was neatly bandaged and pulled up in a sling. His right eye was blackened, his neck bore finger-shaped bruises and there were clumps of his hair matted with dried blood. There was also a nasty split in his bottom lip and several of his fingers were bandaged.   
Tonks felt her heart swell at the sight of him. Tears stung at her eyes and her guard immediately dropped, “Remus…”  
His head snapped to attention, his startled expression sobered at her appearance in the doorway. “Tonks?”  
She strode over to the head of the table and sat down in one of the chairs beside him, drinking in his damaged and haggard face. From where she sat it seemed that poor Remus had not slept in days, he sported deep purple rings beneath his one un-blackened eye and it seemed he had not shaved in weeks. His entire face looked sunken and worn.  
“What’s happened to you?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.  
He looked away from her, back down at his lap. “I blew my cover with the pack.”   
Instinctively Tonks reached out and took Remus’s free hand in hers, tears slipping down her face freely now. “Darling…”  
He continued as if he didn’t hear her. “I just came back to collect a few of my things, Arthur is coming to escort me back to the Burrow.”  
“I’ll go with you!” she said before she could stop herself. Surprisingly Remus just smiled, that sad, lopsided smile he wore sometimes. She withdrew her hand and clutched both compulsively in her lap.  
“What were you doing here anyway?” he asked.  
“I left some papers I need for work.”  
He nodded stiffly but said no more.   
The two sat in silence until Arthur finally arrived, mildly surprised at Tonks’s appearance but overall relieved he didn’t have to carry Remus’s things on his own, as Remus was forbidden to exert his body in any fashion. It made Tonks sad to see what little he owned. It ended up being only two battered suitcases and neither were very heavy.   
When Remus finally got up from his seat it was with the help of a cane he had concealed under the table.   
“You sure this is everything Remus?” asked Arthur, gesturing to the two suitcases. Remus nodded but said nothing. Ever since he gave the explanation for his injuries Remus had been overall quieter than Tonks was used to. She imagined he had a lot on his mind.  
Apparation and brooms were out of the question with Remus’s fragile condition so the trio took The Weasley’s flying car all the way back to the Burrow. The car was never a smooth ride but it did much better for fairing Remus back and forth in his delicate state.  
When they arrived Molly immediately took Remus by the arm and ushered him back to his room that was once her son Percy’s room. Arthur took both bags up leaving Tonks alone in the foyer. It took her a few minutes for her to even notice Ginny seated on the couch.  
“Wotcher Gin,” she said, giving the girl a sad smile.  
“Hey,” said Ginny, getting up from her seat to welcome Tonks with a hug. “Poor Remus had been taken prisoner by my mother,” she said with a light laugh.  
Tonks laughed with her. “Yes I’m sure she’s been absolute torture for him. Remus hates being coddled.”  
Ginny nodded, but her expression was far away. “You should have seen him Tonks…” her eyes were tearing now, “I’ve never…no one…no one deserves that…especially not R-Remus.” With a few quick sniffs Ginny regained her composure.   
Tonks nodded, pulling Ginny close and stroking her hair fondly. Remus was good at masking injuries. She could remember several full moons when he would feign health only to end up unconscious in his room or vomiting in the bathroom. At Grimmauld Place she could tell the amount of pain he was in, and if he was having trouble masking it, he must have been truly suffering.  
Molly and Arthur returned shortly after, both looking sullen and defeated. Mrs. Weasley instructed Ginny and Arthur to start making preparations for dinner, Tonks already knew she was an expected guest. What she didn’t expect was for Molly to lead her outside to the front porch to discuss something private with her.  
“So what did Remus tell you exactly? About what happened?” she asked.  
Tonks shrugged. “Just that they figured out he was a spy.”  
The Weasley matriarch gave an annoyed huff. “He didn’t tell you why his cover was blown?” Tonks shook her head. Mrs. Weasley huffed again, “men.”  
“They had captured a young boy from a village not far from here with the intention to turn him. Apparently they had starved him and kept him in a cage until the full moon. Remus tried freeing him…but he was caught. They…made an example out of him for the others thinking of leaving or not cooperating. I was out in the garden when Greyback apparated here, he had Remus about the throat…” Molly’s voice cracked, Tonks opened her mouth to speak but Molly continued. “He didn’t say anything, he just tossed Remus, like a rag doll and took off. We’re all fairly certain his choosing the Burrow to…dispose of Remus was a coincidence, Alastor’s not so sure. The boy did manage to escape, but he’s in critical condition at St. Mungos, according to Arthur.”  
“There’s something else…” Molly hesitated again, peeking through the crack in the door to make sure Arthur and Ginny were seeing to their tasks. “I’m sure he probably doesn’t even remember what he said or did his fever was so high. But—but the entire time he was conscious…he was calling out for you.”   
Tonks felt her jaw slacken slightly. “He was?” she whispered. Molly nodded.  
“Yes. I think he might have even thought you were in the room with us. He kept reaching out for something…I believe it was you. In fact he was so desperate to get at whatever he saw that we ended up restraining him so we could get at his injuries.” 

***

He was fast asleep when Tonks entered the room. He had been stripped of his shirt, healing powder had been set in the nastier wounds that had been concealed beneath his jumper. She knew from tending to his post-full moon wounds that they would never fully heal. He was deathly thin now, his ribs easily countable. He looked so frail and helpless, and knowing Remus, knowing how much he craved normalcy and independence, it pained her deeply to see him in such a state.   
There was a chair beside the bed, she resolved to sit and wait for Remus to wake so that she could speak to him in private. Molly said she had slipped him a sleeping draught that would wear off soon, so Tonks set to watching him sleep.  
Molly’s words rung in her head. She prayed that little boy would make it. Make Remus’s sacrifice worth something.  
His mouth was open slightly, his chest rose and fell in uneven, stuttering breaths, as if each breath pained him. His bandaged arm was free of the sling and now fell lifelessly at his side. Molly didn’t want to upset Tonks anymore by discussing the extent of Remus’s injuries, but she got the impression that Remus had to do a fair amount of arm-bending to get Molly to let him retrieve his things by himself.  
Tonks sat there watching him sleep until Molly poked her head in through the door and smiled sadly at the pair of them. “Would you like to have your dinner up here?” she whispered.  
“That would be great Molly. Thank you.”  
Molly nodded and disappeared through the door, returning a few moments later with a tray of food that couldn’t possibly be for Tonks alone.  
“The soft food and the broth is for Remus when he wakes. Help yourself to everything else dear,” said Molly softly.   
Tonks nodded and watched Molly disappear again before starting on her food. She was nearly done with her second half of her sandwich when she saw Remus had woken up.  
“How’re you feeling?” she asked with a mouth-full of sandwich.  
“Fine,” he said.  
Tonks scoffed, “I’m sure.”  
Remus said nothing but continued to watch her finish her food. “Molly brought up food for you. Do you need help sitting up?”   
He did not reply for several moments before giving a timid nod.  
Tonks stood up and very gingerly pulled Remus up against the headboard of the bed and re-tucked the blankets around his waist. She set the tray of food on Remus’s lap. He stared at the food for a long while before picking up a spoon to begin on the mashed potatoes. Tonks eyed his hand warily and watched a tremor in his hand steadily worsen as he slowly began bringing the food up to his mouth until it he dropped the spoon in his lap.  
“Bugger all,” he muttered under his breath.  
“Would you like…help?” Tonks asked. She knew that the last thing he wanted was to be treated like an infant and be hand fed mashed food. When Remus didn’t respond Tonks let out a huff. “Look Remus. You’ve gone through a terrible ordeal. We all know you’re not an infant but sometimes you just need to accept others help when you really need it.”  
Remus closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “I’m too tired to argue with you.” Tonks stiffened at this, feeling a little twinge of anger bubbling up within her.   
With almost violent quickness, Tonks took the spoon from Remus’s lap, re-dipped it in the mashed potatoes and brought the spoon up to Remus’s mouth. “Eat the fucking potatoes before I shove them down your throat.”  
Remus puffed out a laugh and looked at her with an amused smirk on his face. Keeping eye contact with her he opened his mouth slightly and allowed Tonks to feed him.  
They sat like that for almost an hour. In silence, Tonks feeding Remus mashed potatoes, carrots and peas spoonful by spoonful. By the time they were ready to start on the broth she could see Remus’s eyelids beginning to droop again.  
“You wanna lie back down?” she asked.  
“No,” he said.  
Tonks pulled the tray off his lap and sat there watching him. He was still sitting straight up against the headboard, but his eyes were closed and he had a small, meditative little grin on his face.  
“What’re you thinking about?”   
“I just…haven’t slept in a real bed in almost five months. I missed it.”  
She gave him a sad little smile and took his hand in hers again.   
Remus opened his eyes and looked at her. “How long have you been here?” he asked.  
She shrugged, “just a few hours.”  
“A few hours,” Remus repeated incredulously. “Why do I feel your time is better spent elsewhere?”   
Tonks scoffed at this. “Why do you insist on having such a bloody low opinion of yourself?” Remus stared at her, confused. “I won’t now, but we will be having a discussion about your negative attitude Mister Lupin.”  
Remus laughed at that. “All right then,” he said, reaching over and taking Tonks by the hand again.

Three weeks had passed when Tonks returned to the Burrow. She found Remus seated on the sofa, engrossed in a book. While he still looked rather tired and ill, he looked worlds better than he did during her last visits. If anything, he looked much like he did the days after a full moon on Wolfsbane. He didn’t acknowledge her right away.  
“Remus?” she asked him warily. He looked up at her and gave her a sad, lopsided smile. She noticed that his black eye had healed completely and his split lip had healed into a faint white line, being caused by a werewolf, it would never fully heal.  
“Hello Dora,” he said, his voice hoarse.  
She took the seat in the armchair across from him and took one of his hands in hers, she was happy when he didn’t resist her. “How’re you feeling?”  
He let out a huff at this and leaned in to whisper to her, “perfectly fine, honestly. Molly refuses to let me return home.”  
Tonks let out a light laugh and patted his hand. “I think those are more Dumbledore’s orders than Molly’s. He doesn’t want you moved until we’re absolutely sure the pack won’t come back for you.”  
Remus’s face darkened at this and he leaned back onto the sofa, his hand slipping from Tonks’s grip. “Oh,” he said.  
“I’m sorry,” she leaned over and touched his knee, he didn’t respond. “You do look worlds better though!”  
“I bet,” he said without humor. Remus was prone to brooding, most commonly right after a rough full moon…his ordeal with the pack had not improved matters.  
Tonks could understand him now though. Much had been kept from him the last two-and-a-half months and he knew it. Including the condition of the boy he had fought tooth-and-nail to save. Tonks didn’t like being treated like a child and she knew Remus didn’t either, and that was exactly what Dumbledore was doing. Keeping vital information on current affairs from Remus for the sake of seeing him recover without emotional complications. The fact was things were not going well for their side and Remus’s failure to remain in the pack was partially the reason. But no one blamed him. Everyone knew he had done the right thing, but did Remus?  
“You’ve heard about the boy then?” asked Tonks. Remus kept his gaze focused on the book resting in his lap. “He’s been asking after you. Once things quiet down you should go pay him a visit.”  
Remus shook his head. “He doesn’t want to see me.”  
“Why wouldn’t he want to see the man that saved his life?”  
He ran a hand over his eyes. “If I were him I wouldn’t want to be within five-hundred kilometers of another werewolf for the rest of my life.”  
“Not even the one who freed him from the same fate?”  
Remus sighed. “Can we discuss this later? I’m very tired.”  
“You want to go upstairs and lie down?”  
“In a grave would be more appropriate. I’ve never felt this weak in my life.”  
Tonks smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. “So…bed?”  
Remus shook his head, “I can’t go back up in that bed again. I’ll go mad.”  
She laughed, “understandable. If it weren’t for my strict orders I’d take you out for a drink somewhere. I’ve always wondered what a drunk Remus Lupin was like.”  
“Brandy would do wonders for my rib.” It looked as if a thought occurred to him, he sat up straight and began searching through the Burrow with his eyes.  
“What do you need?” she asked, worried he might be looking for a pain-relief potion or something of the like.   
“I swear I saw a bottle of brandy floating around here somewhere.”  
Tonks let out a hearty laugh at that and sat up. “Stay there, I’ll look for it.”  
When Remus said that the bottle had been floating around, he wasn’t speaking in metaphor. Not long after Tonks began her search she found the bottle whizzing about in the high corner of the dining room, the result of a levitation charm left unattended. Tonks was able to get the bottle down with a quick counter charm and returned with the bottle and two large glasses. She smiled when she saw Remus’s face light up at the sight, if it was because of her or the brandy, she didn’t know.  
“Thank you,” he said, taking the glass from her gratefully. Tonks just smiled and gave a polite nod, a gesture she imagined she had picked up from Remus somewhere.   
They sat nursing their glasses in silence for a while before Tonks spoke again. “You really should go see him.”  
Remus did not react immediately; he sat drinking from his glass staring ahead of him. “He would not want to see me. I would just remind him of his time in the pack.”  
“Remus,” said Tonks with heavy reprimand in her voice. “He’d be happy knowing that the man that helped him escape got out too.”  
“Does he know the manner of my departure?” asked Remus.  
“I don’t know. I doubt it. And he doesn’t even have to know why you left. He’d just be happy knowing you’re not there anymore.”   
Remus took another swig from his glass, “I suppose so.” Tonks smiled, she had won at least this one thing from him.   
“You’re dry,” she picked up the brandy bottle and held it out to him, he held out his glass and she filled it back up for him, “don’t feel useless Remus. You did good work and nobody thinks badly of you for sacrificing your cover to help that boy. Well…Snape does…but he thinks badly of everyone.”   
He laughed at that and turned to look at her properly. “I’m glad you came by. I’ve been alone here most of the time. Nothing but my own head for company.”  
Tonks smile faltered a bit. She wanted to take him back to her place and care for him there. But she always wanted that, even when Remus wasn’t in the state he was in now. “Does it help to talk?” she asked.  
Remus nodded, “it always does. Goes for everybody. Doesn’t mean people always are willing to do it though,” he took a deep swig from his glass.  
“Is there…anything you want to talk about?”  
Remus gave her a loaded stare. “Not today.”  
Tonks simply nodded and looked down at the glass in her lap. Not today, tomorrow, next week, next year, never. “You can’t keep things bottled up inside you Remus. Even you have your limits. Sirius would—”  
“Sirius would give me some fucking space!” Remus spat. Tonks was dumbstruck, she had never heard him curse before. She looked up and saw he was looking at her with a look of pure loathing, but it was not directed at her. She understood that he was speaking in embitterment towards his entire situation, and Tonks just happened to be there to receive the brunt of that embitterment.   
Normally, Remus would have apologized, but he didn’t, he continued to stare her down until Tonks felt it was only right to collect the brandy glasses and take her leave. Remus obviously was no longer in the mood for talking.   
She stood up from her seat and without asking, ripped the empty glass from Remus’s hands and walked the glasses over to the sink. By now she would have expected him to say something, but he didn’t. She even made an effort to be as loud as she could collecting her cloak and opening the door. When she turned to look in the living room, Remus was still seated, hunched over with his head in his hands. 

_Several days after her visit to the Burrow, Tonks received a letter. It was brief. But its words drove her to her knees._  
The boy passed in the night. Remus is missing.  
KS.


	2. The Terror of Malfoy Manor

The scream rang through the house.  
The trio jumped at the noise. Hermione looked at Harry and saw the blood fall from his face. She knew what the scream sounded like to him. It was the scream of someone meeting a crushing loss.   
They were at the stairs in seconds. Unable to move much further as a gaggle of Weasley’s had beaten them there and blocked their view of the entry hall below. Hermione with her slight build was able to worm her way through the compression of people in the stairwell down to the ground floor where she saw who had screamed and what she was screaming at.  
Snape stood in the hall and lying limp in his arms, was Remus.   
He was wrapped in Snape’s ink-colored cloak, the only thing that could be seen of him from within its folds were a pair of bare feet, caked with mud and an unruly tuft of brown hair threaded with silver that was matted and clumped. Something dark had seeped through the fabric, dripping onto the floor.   
At Snape’s feet, lying in a heap, sobbing, was Tonks.  
There was a pop! of someone aparating into the hall, everyone jumped at the noise.  
Dumbledore appeared before Snape, looking profoundly grim.   
Snape said only one thing; “Greyback is dead.”

***

There was a gentle knock at Tonks’s door rousing her from her potion-induced slumber. She had almost forgotten why the potion was necessary. She had almost forgotten about Remus.  
Dumbledore and Moody stood on the other side of the door, both men looking profoundly grim. Tonks mind immediately went to a place of despair, but in the end she reasoned that if Remus had died they would have sent Molly to her. This was something different.  
“May we come in, Nymphadora?” asked the headmaster.  
“Of course,” she stepped aside and allowed the two men to enter. She grabbed her wand from the bedside table and ignited the lanterns on the wall, casting the room in a weak, golden glow.   
“How are you feeling?” asked Dumbledore.  
“Alright. Just…” she looked down at the floor. The two men looked at her and knew that she blamed herself for what happened to Remus.  
“It wasn't your fault, girl, he was gonna get justice for that lad one way or another,” said Moody. His words unusually soft, they died on his lips. Remus’s condition affected him deeply. The two fought in two wars together. Moody’s hurt for Remus ran deeper than most.  
“I know…but still.”  
“We need to ask something of you, Nymphadora.”   
Tonks nodded. She assumed as much.  
“The appropriate people have been informed the details of Remus’s condition, but I’d rather keep this all between as few people as possible, for Remus’s sake. We need everyone in the Order to be able to trust one another and while I’m sure everyone cares deeply for Remus, I would hate to see that trust altered because of circumstances outside of his control.”  
Tonks frowned, confused. “What’s going on?”  
Dumbledore cast a glance at Moody who cleared his throat. “Severus is waiting for us in my office at Hogwarts. I believe it would be simpler to show you what has happened.”  
Tonks nodded. Dumbledore silently offered his arm to Tonks, who took it gratefully. There was a pop! and the three were gone.  
Snape stood beside the pensieve. He was still caked in blood and looking uncharacteristically disheveled. The great stone bowl glowed an unearthly silver, a memory swirled within.  
“You’re bringing the metaporph?” Snape asked, casting a disapproving glare at Tonks.   
On a better day, Tonks might have had a witty retort for Snape, but she was tired and sluggish with grief. She wanted to get back to Grimmauld, to Remus, as soon as possible. Snape wasn’t worth prolonging that with an insult.  
“Miss Tonks needs to be made aware of the situation as I believe she will be instrumental in Remus’s recovery,” said Dumbledore simply. “Now, shall we?” he gestured to the pensieve.  
Snape nodded. The four surrounded the bowl. Tonks had never used a pensieve before, she was unsure how to proceed. Before she had any more time to question it, she felt a cold pulling sensation…  
And she was somewhere else.  
She found Dumbledore, Moody and Snape all standing around her, inspecting their surroundings. They were in a long, dark hallway, the walls and floor were made of stone. The sounds of approaching footsteps filled the hall. They all turned to see a second Snape, approaching them.  
“That’s you from earlier?” asked Tonks.  
“You’re powers of observation are unmatched Nymphadora,” Snape hissed.  
Tonks simply closed her eyes. Allowing a brief fantasy of her slapping Snape so hard he was hurled into the wall behind him, to pass through her mind and stay her anger.   
The “past Snape” strode down the dimly-lit passage, the four wizards followed suit. Soon cells began to line the walls on either side of the passage. Faint moans could be heard from some, most were too dark to see their occupants.   
“Where is this place?” asked Moody.  
“Beneath Malfoy Manor.”  
The past Snape halted abruptly before one of the cells. “Lumos” he hissed. He peered through the bars, the cell was empty. Against the light there was a faint shimmer amongst the stone, spatterings of blood and other bodily fluids. It was then he noticed something was different about the bars themselves. Past Snape stepped back and examined them. There was a clean sheen to them, so unlike the filthy rotted bars of the other cells, the material had been altered magically to a different metal. Silver.   
There was the sound of someone approaching. Snape extinguished his wand and stowed it. He adjusted his posture to look only mildly curious of the silver bars.  
“Ah, Severus,” Lucius Malfoy’s voice called out to him. He turned to the patriarch of the Malfoy brood, who had been taking quick strides towards him. “You misplaced something down in my dungeons?”   
Snape stiffened. “I was told you’ve kidnapped the werewolf.”  
“Ah, yes, indeed. Greyback is in the middle of a…friendly chat…with it. I was just about to go watch the show myself. Care to join me?”  
“Yes,” was all Snape could say. He followed Malfoy down the long hall. The four observers followed suit. Tonks felt fear well within every step she took, she wasn’t sure if she could bear to see Remus in whatever state these monsters had left him in.  
“How did you catch it?” asked Snape.  
“Oh he came to us. Very willingly I might add. He requested an audience with Greyback, what kind of host would I be to deny such a simple request?”  
They came to a steel-bolted door which had to be magically opened. “How long has it been in there?” asked Snape, trying to sound as passive as possible.   
“Today, I’d say only about an hour or so. This is our fifth day with it. I’d have gotten here sooner but I had other matters to attend to. After you,” Malfoy stepped aside and let Snape enter the room.  
Inside was a windowless room made completely of stone. There was a small orb of light suspended in the center of the ceiling. The room was only occupied by two people. The great, hulking form of Fenrir Greyback, the other lay in a bloodied heap at his feet, rasping heavily as if each breath were a struggle. Chains were clasped around his thin wrists and ankles and bolted to the floor.   
Snape entered the room and walked over to the corner, hiding in the shadows. Neither of the two men acknowledged his presence, even after Malfoy entered and shut the door behind them. He joined Severus in the corner and watched with a kind of morbid curiosity at the scene playing out before him.  
“Don’t get distracted by our visitors now!” Greyback sent a heavy kick at the werewolf’s ribs. Lupin groaned and curled into himself, his breaths coming out in short, startled heaves.  
Lupin turned against the opposite wall, breathing heavily, occasionally letting out a weak moan of pain. Tonks felt hot tears slide down her face, she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to stay in this horrid memory.  
“I’LL SKIN YOU YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS MUTT!” Greyback drew his wand and sent a sectumsempra at him, slicing up the werewolf’s side. This time, Lupin made no noise at first, he only curled into himself even more. His breathing was coming out in harsh, ragged breaths. Blood began to drip and pool around him.   
Everyone watched as Lupin brought his hands up to his temples and moan. Under his ragged breath Lupin could be heard muttering to himself like a madman, “no no no no no no no no...”  
A crucio slammed into Lupin with force. There was only a grunt of pain, as if the curse had merely been an annoyance. There was some kind of morbid delight in Greyback’s face.  
Then something happened. There was a very distinct shift in the werewolf’s mannerisms, and it changed the very air of the room completely. Lupin had uncurled himself from his ball, dropping into a crouch, propped up by the balls of his feet and placing his hands out in front of him.   
Much like a...  
There was a low, menacing growl. Lupin’s long, unkempt mop of grey and brown hair fell over his face like a mane, and from within the shadows where his eyes ought to be, two yellow orbs glowed bright and feral.   
Lupin was gone. The wolf was here.  
Then, a chuckle. It was a quiet, high-pitched chuckle, almost like a hyena...it sent chills through the four onlookers, they saw both the past Snape and Malfoy visibly stiffen at the unsettling sound. Lupin lifted his head, exposing his sunken, unshaven face to the light. Tonks could see no trace of the man she knew in that face. Something darker and far more terrifying had crept behind those once soft honey-colored orbs, becoming something truly inhuman.  
“Try it again...go on...” Lupin whispered, his voice hoarse and scratched from screaming, but it had a low gravelly growl to it that did not belong to the man known as Remus Lupin.  
Greyback chuckled and turned to Malfoy. “May I have a little fun with my pup?” he asked. Malfoy looked disgusted.  
“Do not kill it,” he said, his words were choked. He turned and headed for the door, past Snape followed. “No,” said Malfoy, halting him with the flat of his hand. “You must stay and make sure that animal doesn’t get carried away.”  
“Yes, of course.”  
When Malfoy had gone, past Snape disappeared into the corner of the room, watching warily. At the sound of Malfoy’s departure, Greyback freed Lupin of his shackles with a casual flick of his wand.  
“What are you doing?” past Snape asked, startled.  
Greyback laughed again. “I want to see if my pup has the stones to face his sire unhindered.” He dropped into a crouch, meeting the feral gaze of Lupin’s golden eyes. “You think you’d bring that little boy justice? There’s no justice for the dead. He’ll rot in the ground knowing I gutted him and you couldn’t save him.”   
Tonks felt tears well in her eyes. However you did it, Remus. The bastard fucking deserved it.  
“Do you hate me, pup? At night, do you dream of your wolf ripping out my throat? Does it make you hard? The thought of tearing into me? You honestly think you’re any better than me?”  
Lupin was silent, but his gaze never faltered.   
“I heard you have a bitch of your own now. Do you smell her blood? Does it drive you mad? You ever fuck her when she’s having her blood? Huh? Think about lapping up that blood like the greedy little pup you are?” Tonks drew her hand to her mouth, she felt ill. “Don’t you ever just want to sink your teeth into her soft little—”  
The light in the cell went out, submerging the room in darkness. There was a stillness, but only for a moment. There was the sound sound of chains sliding across the stone floor, the sound of a struggle, and then a horrible, piercing scream.  
The sound of Snape casting a lumos maxima could be heard over the horrible shrieking. The cell filled with light, Tonks screamed, Moody staggered a few feet backwards, the blood fell from Dumbledore’s face, present Snape had turned to face the far wall.  
The chains had somehow wrapped themselves around Greyback’s wrists and ankles, pinning him to the floor. They were wrapped so tightly they looked ready to pop off his wrists. But that was not the true horror of what Greyback has awoken in his pup.  
Lupin had mounted Greyback; his fingers were buried into Greyback’s eyes, his face transformed into a fountain of blood. Then, in one swift motion, Remus bent down, digging his teeth deep into Greyback’s throat and with one great tug, tore his throat wide open.  
“STOP! STOP! I CAN’T! STOP THIS!” Tonks shrieked.  
The room began to swirl around them and fade. As they left the memory, a cry of “stupefy!” could be heard.  
Tonks felt sick. Tears clouded her vision. She toppled out of the pensieve and onto the floor. The three men stood in silence, looking anywhere but at each other.   
“The boy’s gone feral then.”  
Dumbledore looked rueful. “He was provoked. Remus may very well come back from this.”  
“Did you not see what he did?” Moody hissed, wary of Tonks who was on the floor, weeping.   
“He’s right.” said Snape. “Provoked or no, Lupin let the wolf surface, that is a piece of his humanity he may never get back.”  
“Why did you bring me here?” Tonks’s voice was meek, her words clumsy as she fought the sobs that caught in her throat. The three men turned to look at her, but all were silent. Tonks stood and straightened herself and turned to Dumbledore. “Why?”  
“I believe you deserve to know what happened to Remus. Because if there is anyone capable of bringing him back to us…it is you, Miss Tonks.”  
Grimmauld Place was a mask of calm when Tonks returned. The only light in the house came from the crack beneath the door to Remus’s bedroom. She could not see him, not now.  
He had warned her. Begged her to see reason, see the truth. That he was a monster. He’s not a monster. Not even after what I saw, she thought.   
She entered her room, locking the door behind her. She felt heavy.   
She wondered how far gone Remus was, would he have to be contained? Permanently? Had the wolf finally taken his very soul? If Remus came back, would he be able to cope with having taken a life in such a horrific manner? Even if it was a life that had caused him and many others so much misery?   
Would people reflect on the death of Fenrir Greyback as the work of a hero…or a murder by a werewolf?

***

Dumbledore requested Tonks   
“We’re not giving up on him,” said Moody. “We think if he can be somewhere isolated, away from humans, he can recover easier.”  
“How can you expect him to recover if you leave him out in the middle of nowhere?” Tonks snapped. She was getting angry.   
“That’s where you would come in, my dear.” said Dumbledore, giving the young witch a reassuring smile. “You out of any of us in the Order would be able to keep the wolf at bay. He cares for you, deeply, that much is certain, and Alastor has told me he’s trained you extensively in dark creature defense and would be able to handle Remus if he slips into a feral state.”  
Tonks nodded. “Where would we stay?”  
“The Lupin family home. It has been empty for many years but remains intact and well hidden. It’s deep in the woods, a landscape the wolf would find calming, and it is Remus’s childhood home, a place that can keep him grounded in his human mind. With you there we think Remus will be able to come back from this.”  
“When do we leave?”  
Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles. “Remus has been taken there already, Poppy and Minerva and Molly are in the process of securing the house and making Remus comfortable. You may leave whenever you are ready, I will arrange a portkey to take you there.”  
Tonks nodded again. “Alright. I’ll pack my things then.”


	3. Eyes in the Dark

The Lupin cottage looked like something out of a fairy tale. There was a small, but well-kept garden that wrapped around the perimeter of the house. Molly was outside casting wards, carefully stepping around the patches of cucumbers and pumpkins around her feet. Tonks could imagine a young Remus helping his mother tend to the gardens around the house. The thought made her smile.  
Inside the house was small, but cozy, and it smelled like Remus. A fire had been lit in the stone fireplace. The living room, dining room and kitchen were conjoined with a small hallway leading to the bathroom and bedrooms. She looked through the cupboards and saw they had been stocked with fresh foods including some selections from the Lupin’s vegetable garden.   
Poppy appeared in the kitchen. “Tonks! So glad you’ve come. Follow me.” The two went out into the hall.  
Poppy opened the door at the end of the hall. It led to the master bedroom. It was significantly larger than Remus’s room. Tonks could smell the pleasant aroma of a scented scourgify charm that had been recently placed on the sheets. They most likely had not been washed since Remus’s parents were still alive. “We cleaned up in here, it was rather dusty. I wouldn’t recommend sharing a bed with Remus till he’s recovered so I’d suggest you stay in here.” The statement made Tonks blush. “There’s a charm so if Remus wakes or is distressed this bell will ring,” she pointed to the servant bell that was bolted to the wall beside the door.  
Poppy took Tonks though out the house, showing her where things were. They had set up a portkey to the private ward of the Hogwarts infirmary in case Tonks needed to get Remus to Poppy or just to a safe place. She showed Tonks the cellar where Remus would spend the full moon. Poppy explained that in Remus’s current state that wolfsbane would be rendered ineffective.   
Everyone stayed long into the evening preparing the house for Remus and Tonks. Molly cooked dinner, letting the pleasant aroma waft through the house, filling it with a new life that the little cottage had not known in decades.   
Tonks did not feel the true weight of her burden until everyone had left.  
She stood in the middle of the living room, watching the dull glow of the dying embers in the fireplace. She tried not to think about the scene in the pensieve, she tried not to let it change her opinion of Remus, she had to remind herself of what Greyback had done to him, and done to so many innocent children, that he deserved the most brutal death imaginable. Slowly, it began to feel like justice.  
The sound of the floorboards creaking behind her jolted Tonks from her thoughts. She spun around on her heel, wand at the ready.  
Remus was standing in the hall, his emaciated form silhouetted by the moonlight shining in through the hallway window behind him. Tonks could feel terror rush through her like a cold wind.  
“Remus?” she said, keeping her wand raised, prepared to stun. He did not answer. He continued to stand in the hall, his eyes glowed faintly in the darkness. Tonks had never been afraid of Remus. Until now. “Remus. Can you hear me? Are you alright?” she tried to mask her fear with concern, but the tremble in her voice betrayed her. She knew Remus would be able to smell the fear wafting off of her.  
Slowly, Remus stepped into the living room, letting the light coat his face in a dull, gold glow. The light of the fire reflected in Remus’s eyes, glowing yellow as he watched her. The servant’s bell in Tonks’s bedroom could be heard ringing off in the distance. The full extent of the torment Remus’s body had endured from his captivity and torture was now visible to her.   
He was wearing a pair of boxers that hung loose around his hips, exposing the sharp dip of his hip bones. He also wore a faded green t-shirt that Tonks recognized as one of Remus’s preferred sleeping shirts. He was heavily swaddled with bandages, blood crept in through the ones around his joints, the wound having been torn open again from his movements. Bruises blotted his skin, almost completely masking the ghostly white flesh beneath. He looked much like a starved, beaten animal that had emerged from the woods and somehow found his way inside Lupin Cottage.  
“R-Remus you can’t be out of bed.”  
“Hungry.” The word came out in a hoarse, dark growl that sounded nothing like Remus’s voice.  
In that moment Tonks feared that she was no longer talking to Remus Lupin the man, but the werewolf that prowled in his mind.  
“Oh,” she said, her mind whirring, thinking of the best course of action. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll fix you something? You shouldn’t be over-exerting yourself.” Remus said nothing, but continued to eye her with those glowing, predatory eyes.   
“Come, sit on the sofa here and I can get you something to eat.” Tonks patted the sofa that sat beside her. Remus’s eyes flicked from the sofa, back to Tonks, as if questioning her motives.  
She saw Remus flare his nostrils slightly, then he frowned, suddenly looking hurt. “Are you frightened of me Tonks?” The question was sincere. His voice still held the rasp of disuse but no longer sounded feral and predatory, it sounded like Remus.  
She froze, she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t, Remus would know and it would upset him more. “I’m just scared what you being out of bed is going to do to your wounds.”  
His face softened and he slowly made his way over to the sofa, walking as if every step were a battle. Tonks watched as he slowly eased himself onto the sofa, she wanted to help him sit but she was afraid of startling or upsetting him with the gesture.  
When he was fully seated he seemed to relax significantly. Gently, Remus craned his head back and closed his eyes. It was the most human Remus looked since his sudden appearance in the hallway.  
Quickly, Tonks rummaged through the cupboards grabbing a plate, a glass and then a large slab of meat which she quickly cut into small cubes with her wand. Poppy had advised to give Remus raw, red meat until he was more in his proper state of mind. The meat would help steady the wolf inside, make it less aggressive.   
She stood before Remus with the plate of raw steak and a glass of water, the smell was enough to jog the man from his repose on the sofa. She quickly handed Remus the plate and set the glass on the side table.  
Remus quickly began digging into the meat with his hands, devouring it hungrily. “How’re you feeling?” she asked, shifting uncomfortably.  
He chewed vigorously for several moments before speaking. “Why are we in my parent’s house?” he asked, his gaze fixed on the fireplace.  
“We thought it would speed your recovery if you were in a quiet, familiar place.” Remus did not respond. “We ought to get you back into bed.”  
She could not draw herself away from Remus’s eyes. Hypnotic in their inhuman glow, Tonks felt herself become transfixed by his gaze. As she looked at him, she found something in his eyes that halted her, and it was not their unnatural, wolfish glow, but something else…there was an understanding, an awareness that did not belong to either man nor beast…but some kind of glorious union of the two.


	4. The Window

“How is he?”  
“Still asleep.”  
Moody had come by the cottage in the wee hours of the morning, Tonks brought him out to sit in the garden so they would not wake Remus with their conversation.  
“He’s different?” asked Moody. Tonks could only nod. Remus’s metamorphosis was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Moody let out a might sigh. “If he’s gone feral, it’s not like he’s truly gone, you know that right? I don’t want you thinking you’re looking after some kind of stranger.”  
“I don’t. It’s just…it’s going to take some getting used to I suppose.”  
There was a weighty silence shared between the two of them.  
“Why are you here?” she asked.  
“Something’s been bothering me…about that blasted memory.”  
Besides the fact that Remus brutally murdered another werewolf with his bare hands? “What is it?” Tonks asked. Pushing the bitter thought to the back of her mind.  
“The chains. Lupin moved them—with magic—no wand. And it was strong. He nearly popped Greyback’s hands off they were wrapped ‘round him so bloody tight. Wandless, non-verbal can be strong but not that strong.”  
“What are you suggesting?” asked Tonks. She turned to Moody, his magical blue eye whirling around in its socket.  
“I’m curious if he’s woken a power greater than just his wolf.”  
A shiver passed over Tonks’s face. She looked out at the forest surrounding the cottage, watching the leaves ripple in the trees, roaring in the wind like a great ocean surrounding them.  
She wanted Remus to find his peace here. She wanted it more than anything.  
“I better head back to headquarters. We’ve been busy since this whole bloody ordeal.”  
Tonks nodded, she glanced back towards the cottage as Moody limped towards the woods, outside the anti-apparation wards that surrounded the cottage.  
She heard Moody disappear with a pop! off in the distance.  
As she headed towards the house, she heard it, the bell. Remus was awake. She trotted towards the cottage and into Remus’s room at the far end of the hall.  
Her heart sank in her chest.  
Remus was gone. The window beside his bed was open. Tonks darted towards the window, sticking her head out, as if she would find Remus just beyond, looking at her with his warm honey-colored eyes and everything would be back to normal.  
She could see a trail of very human footprints in the mud just outside the window. They led into the forest. She leapt out the window, mud spattering her jeans and caking her shoes. She didn't care. She needed to find Remus.  
The woods were dark. The trees so compact, their leaves and branches, twisted and full, blocked out the sun and covered the forest floor with an eerie iridescent glow. An unearthly hybrid of twilight and dawn.  
There was a short cliff which ran along a stream. Here the tracks stopped. Tonks hopped down onto the bank and approached the water. Had she not been so worried about Remus at the time, she would have found peace in the landscape spread out before her.  
She thought of little Remus wandering the forest with his father and mother. Splashing in the shallow stream, laughing. Unaware of the darkness it would hold for him.  
Remus’s parents had passed away long before she ever knew Remus. He spoke very little of them but always with fondness whenever he did. She imagined the hurt of their passing ran deep. Tonks began to wonder if it was wise to bring Remus to a place of such memories. Of parents who would never hold him again.  
There was movement from behind her. Tonks spun on her heel and saw nothing but the wall of earth that separated the forest floor from the stream. The sound came again, the sound of crunching leaves. She scaled the wall of earth until she was level with the forest floor again. She steadied herself and listened…  
Ragged breaths came from a tree nearby.  
Warily, she made her approach. “Remus?” She came around to the other side of the tree and found Remus, curled up in a ball, flush against its wood.  
He was shivering violently, his hair damp and plastered to his forehead. His legs were caked with dirt, his bandages now soaked with blood. He did not look at her, he kept his eyes firmly closed.  
“Remus? Sweetheart? What are you doing out here?”  
She was met with the heavy-lidded stare of those golden, wolfish eyes. But they were different now, looking at her with a terror she did not see in the man the night before.  
“I-I’m scared. I…I needed to get away…’m sorry.” He turned from her, pressing his forehead against the wood of the tree that acted as his anchor.  
“Scared of what? Tell me what’s going on.”  
He could barely speak above a whisper, as if he were trying his best to keep from breaking down completely. “I was scared I’d hurt you if I stayed. I felt trapped. I’m calmer out here.”  
Tonks sighed. She watched Remus tremble like a leaf beneath the might of the great oak. “It’s alright. I understand. We need to get you inside though, so I can change your bandages. You’re going to get even more sick if you stay out here.”  
“I could smell the fear in the house. I don’t want you to be afraid of me…” Tears rolled down Remus’s hollow cheeks. Tonks felt her heart well with pity, she had never seen Remus, her Remus, so broken and vulnerable before.  
She wasn’t afraid of him. Not now. She needed him to see that.  
Slowly, she reached out to him, holding his bony shoulder in her firm grip. She pulled him towards her, he was too weak to resist her. She held him in her arms, in a firm, motherly embrace.  
At first he had gone rigid, but then he seemed to slowly slump against her. She tilted her head to get a better look at his face and saw his eyes were closed, his face relaxed as it had been the night before. Why had he been so calm the night before? So oddly serene? So at peace with himself and his wolf.  
Was it the night that brought the calm?  
It made sense. The wolf was a creature of nightfall. It brought freedom from its human shackles. The terror Remus must have felt to wake in the morning and find the wolf still prowling, still rooting around in his mind. Dawn was meant to drive the wolf out. And it didn’t.  
Would it ever drive it out again?  
She apparated them to the edge of the forest just outside the cottage where they passed through the wards. Remus had to lean on Tonks heavily in order to keep himself upright.  
“How about I set you up a nice bath and you wash all this muck off you while I make us breakfast?”  
Remus said nothing.  
“Sweetheart, I need you to talk to me so I know you’re alright.”  
“Sorry.”  
She didn’t expect Remus to speak. She understood he had a lot on his mind. He had gone through so much in such a short amount of time. Unfathomable abuse by his own werewolf sire, twice, and the sudden death of a boy he had risked his life to save. Now, he was teetering on the fragile line between man and wolf. He deserved whatever silence he wanted. But she refused to let him drown in his own darkness. Not if she could help it.  
They made it to the bathroom in silence. It was small, recently scourgified and stocked with fresh towels and soaps. In the center of the room was a large claw-foot tub.  
She sat Remus down on the edge of the toilet and began running the tap with warm water. Both grateful for the sound of the running water, filling the horrible void of the silence shared between them.  
“Can I help you get out of your clothes?” asked Tonks tentatively once the bath had been set.  
Remus flushed and looked down at his lap. “I…I’m different from when you last…saw.”  
A weight formed in her heart at his words. She could only imagine what new horrors his body would tell.  
Slowly, gently, she eased his shirt up and over his head. The bandages still censored the worst of the damage Greyback had done. His boxers came off next. Tonks had seen Remus naked before, both intimately and…not. But she felt the horror and the shame it brought Remus to have her see him in such a state now.  
Remus was broken, half-feral it seemed. But she knew with every fiber of her being that she loved the man that sat bloody and broken before her. So much so it physically hurt. All she could do was plant a chaste kiss on his forehead, willing her love to flow into him, willing Remus to understand that she was going to weather this storm with him weather he liked it or not.  
She did not expect Remus to react. She jumped when she felt his arms slowly fold themselves around her waist, pulling her into a weak embrace. Tonks did not need to see his face, only the slight shake in his shoulders was enough to tell her he was crying.  
“Let’s get those bandages off you and get you into this bath.”  
The wounds were already nearly-healed as they were mostly caused by curses. The wounds from werewolf claws would be stubborn to heal. The slashes from Greyback’s first attack still had not healed at a fraction of the rate that the simple spell-cast wounds had. But at least they were healing. However slowly, that was enough.  
She eased Remus into the tub and cast an alert charm on the room in case Remus’s condition changed dramatically or he needed any kind of help. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”  
Tears rolled down her face as she prepared eggs for herself. The raw steak already plated and waiting for Remus at the kitchen table. She wanted nothing but for him to come back from this. But the uncertainty of his condition shook her. This wasn’t simply a wound. This was something in his mind that had been torn open. Nobody would have answers for them. Nobody knew if this was a wound that could be healed.  
Tonks had finished her own breakfast and was staring absently out the window when Remus finally entered, washed and fully dressed in a faded t-shirt and jeans. It was the most casual she had ever seen him. He sat beside her at the table and began to eat his steak in silence, with utensils this time.  
“Romulus.”  
Tonks started at the sound of his voice. “What was that?”  
“The boy. His name was Romulus.” He actually smiled. “If it’s not bitter irony that I survived and he didn’t I don’t know what is.” There was a bite to his voice, a bitterness Tonks had never heard in him before.  
“At least you were able to avenge him.”  
He stopped chewing. “I suppose I avenged a lot of children.”  
She knew who he spoke of. And in that moment Tonks understood why the boy’s life had meant so much to him. Romulus represented the childhood that had been stolen from Remus himself. He represented the scores of children without childhoods. Childhoods torn from innocent children by the teeth of Fenrir Greyback. The words spilled from her mouth before she could stop them, “do you remember what happened?” A shiver passed over Remus’s face, his eyes went wide, golden orbs flickering between man and beast. There was the sound of shattering glass. The alarm for every charm monitoring Remus’s condition sounded simultaneously, the ringing of the wards being breached rung out in a high-pitched whistle. Tonks leapt out of her chair. She flung her wand into the air, “silencio!” and all went quiet. Remus had curled in on himself, completely rigid. He was pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Tonks rushed to him, gently placing her hands on his shoulders, she gently tried to coax him out of the protective ball he had curled himself into. “It’s alright Remus…everything’s alright…” she cooed. “‘M sorry.” His voice came out in a pitiful whimper. “Don’t be, I shouldn’t have…” How was this possible? She had known about emotional reactions triggering instinct magic, like a plate shattering or a door slamming, Remus had somehow corrupted every charm in the house, even the wards surrounding the cottage that had been cast by Dumbledore himself! Moody was right. Whatever had awoken within Remus, it was far more powerful than a feral mind alone. She walked Remus over to the sofa where she had him lie down, propping his head up with a pillow and wrapping him in a blanket. “I’m gonna get something to help you relax, alright?” Tears glistened in the werewolf’s eyes. “I—I didn’t mean to…” Tonks had to blink back tears of her own when she heard how broken and frightened he sounded. “I know. It’s alright, it’s been a long morning. Just rest.” She darted into Remus’s bedroom, returning with a bottle of sleeping draught. “Just a few drops? So you can have a nap?” she said, Remus nodded. She gave Remus the dropper and let him administer the potion himself, thinking it might make Remus feel a little less helpless. Once Tonks was sure he had fallen asleep she set out to restore the wards and charms on the house. She walked out into the garden, casting a spell to reveal the wards surrounding the cottage, they did not appear. Remus had dispelled the wards completely. “This isn’t possible,” Tonks breathed. Unable to restore the wards to their original strength, Tonks cast up her own weak variation, hoping they would hold until Dumbledore could find the time to recast them. She returned to the cottage and wrote a message to Dumbledore making an effort to be as vague as possible in case the letter was intercepted: _I upset Moon when I asked him about the Silver Wolf. He somehow managed to disrupt a lot of work around the house. Will need assistance in restoring to original condition. I hope to discuss the matter with you further._ Nymph *** The monitoring charms and spells were easier to restore than the protective spells surrounding the cottage. She made her way, recasting the monitoring spell previously cast by Poppy, as it seemed that Remus was not going to be as bedridden as originally anticipated, Tonks set to casting the monitoring spell in every room in the cottage, adjusting it only to ring if Remus needed help or his condition worsened. She then she cast a amplifying charm on the servant bell so it could be heard from out in the garden if it rang. “I swear I heard something shatter,” Tonks muttered to herself. She walked through the cottage, eyeing every window for broken glass. When she arrived at Remus’s room, she saw it, the window above his bed had shattered. Tonks made quick work at restoring it. “He came through that window.” Tonks spun on her heel to find Remus standing in the doorway. “Who did?” she asked. “Greyback.” Her face fell. She turned to the window, gazing upon it with the weight of new meaning. It wasn’t a coincidence that this particular window had shattered. It was the window that ruined Remus’s life.


	5. Autumn Leaves

The day passed slowly. Remus curled up in an armchair and read a large book from the small library in his parent’s bedroom. Tonks busied herself restoring the cottage, looking for any reason not to sit with Remus in that horrid and unbearably weighty silence.  
She was dusting in Remus’s bedroom using an old feather duster and broom she found in the hallway closet. She assumed it had used to be Remus’s mother’s. If she was to distract herself it was best to clean everything the muggle way, Tonks reasoned.   
Remus’s room was almost completely empty, everything was either taken away by Remus after he had moved out, what little remained was sitting in boxes in the closet. She stood staring at them for a moment, wondering if it would be too much of an intrusion on Remus’s privacy to open them and try making the room feel a little more lived-in.   
There was an unsealed box sitting on top of the pile, before she could stop herself, she found herself pulling back the cardboard flaps to reveal a meaty stack of records sitting inside. She was shocked to find that a younger Remus was a fan of muggle punk and thrash bands. Tonks smiled, thinking of shy, bookish Remus in his room, flailing his head to Sid Vicious. Every so often Tonks found a stray jazz and classical album, his taste in music was…eclectic…to say the very least.  
Tonks was casting insulation charms on the walls in Remus’s bedroom, when music suddenly filled the cottage. She jumped at the sudden noise. Did Remus put a record on?  
She trotted out into the living room to the source of the music. There was a large gramophone in the corner of the living room that Tonks had never noticed before. She recognized the song that was playing: Autumn Leaves by Paula Cole.  
All the windows were open, a wonderful evening breeze rolled through them. Outside, the sound of the trees rustling like rolling waves could be heard. The room was cast in a beautiful golden glow by the fireplace and the bundles of candles scattered about.  
Remus was seated in the chair where he had been all day, he did not appear to have moved at all.  
Tonks approached the gramophone, noticing that there was no record, the needle bouncing along to an invisible track. She turned to Remus, who had not looked up from his book, “you did this?”  
He lifted his head towards her, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “It was a little too quiet for me.”  
She turned back to the gramophone, “can you play anything?” she asked.  
“What would you like?” When she looked back at him, he was smiling, his golden eyes glittering.  
She racked her brain for a moment, thinking of something relaxing, not wanting to spoil the wonderful atmosphere Remus had cultivated by requesting something noisy like The Weird Sisters.  
“Elton John?” she ventured.   
Remus puffed out a laugh. He laughed. Tonks felt her legs go weak at the sight, the days she had spent wondering if Remus would ever smile or laugh again, if she could ever laugh again. Tonks couldn’t help but laugh too. She did not even notice when the song changed to Candle in the Wind.  
Tonks decided to take a break from her ministrations and settled herself on the hearth, watching the flames dance about in the fireplace. It was difficult to accept what a profound calm that had swept over the cottage in such a short time, when only hours ago the air was thick with such anger and bitterness and melancholy.   
Time rolled on, Tonks barely noticed the sun melt behind the trees, leaving them in the cool glow of night.   
She heard Remus shift in his chair, she turned and saw he had abandoned his book, he sat with his legs sprawled out in front of him, slouched in the armchair and staring into the fire. She was no longer alarmed to see the fire’s glow reflecting back in his eyes, in fact she found the sight to hold a primal beauty in its own right.  
“How do you feel?” she asked, remembering Remus’s behavior from the night before, so much more lucid…but wild.  
Remus closed his eyes. “I don’t think it’s going to go away. Not completely. I accept that.”  
She had an idea of what Remus was referring to, but she asked anyway. “What’s never going to go away?”  
He opened his eyes slightly. “I thought it was the wolf but it’s…something deeper than that it’s…some kind of apotheosis. Like I’ve woken up.” He turned his head to the open window, “I can feel the life in the forest, I can hear a fawn gallop through the brush, I can hear the tiny heartbeat of a rabbit darting through the garden,” his gaze fell upon her, “I can feel everything, and I understand it in the most profound way.” He closed his eyes again, “I’ve felt this way before, right before the moon, but now it doesn’t overwhelm me like it used to. In fact…I feel more lucid than I’ve felt my entire life.”  
Tonks felt her jaw slacken. She wanted to say something, but she found words would never be enough. What were words when the nature of the world around you had become so vivid? What are you in comparison to that kind of beauty?  
“This morning, I felt it clearly, and it terrified me. I felt the wolf’s desires in my head and it disgusted me. Somehow, now that’s night has come,…I understand it. And I’m not afraid anymore.” Remus closed his eyes and shook his head, as if shaking himself out of a deep trance. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not making any sense.”  
"He's fighting it, Moody."  
Moody's head, shrouded in flame, looked pensive at it floated in the fireplace.  
"He'd be the first werewolf in history to come back from a feral incident like that."  
"I know what I saw! I'm not giving up on him!" Tears sprung to Tonks's eyes, a white hot anger rose to her face.  
She shook her head. "If you're so certain he's gone why bring him here in the first place? Huh?"  
Silence. It made Tonks uneasy.  
"Has he done any nonverbal? Any at all?"  
"Why does that matter? He's barely left his bed."  
"I'd like to come by in a few days, check his progress for myself."  
"Whatever."  
The head disappeared.  
Tonks leaned back into the sofa, craning her head back and closing her eyes. She willed her mind to stop reeling for once, but that seemed an impossible feat, not when Moody was being so cryptic as of late and Remus fighting invisible demons only he could see. Yes, it was difficult to keep the mind quiet in such conditions.


End file.
